Its been unforgivably too long

2017, Oct 23rd. As you can see by the previous posts it's a day I remember and honor. But I've been unforgivably tardy in writing here. This is certainly not because of any lost dedication to the  preservation of memories of Judy. Rather, a panic in learning a new job, some health scares in the family and overall neglect of writing anything down about the journey called life.

So there I was this year, as the weeks before Oct. 23rd drew near, wondering if I would have something relevant to say or convey, most likely to the smallest blog audience ever recorded in the history of blogs... And that is by no means due to anything related to our honoree. That is because I have kept this blog unpublished or promoted. Most likely for fear of people getting the wrong idea of my intentions. Let it be known that for all purposes, my more vivid "postings" (cherished memories) of Judy will always reside in my mind. How could they not? And when old age and failing memory take the grasp of what is left of me, at least these words of how truly blessed the people who knew her, will still be preserved somewhere in cyberspace. Perhaps to be stumbled upon by someone who could appreciate it.

Happy Birthday Judy. You still come to me in dreams, thoughts and memories. You still tell me know everything is going to be ok. You let me know you're ok. You shine on as you did when you graced this earth with your presence. You will aways be remembered no matter who blogs about you or how frequently.

   

Nothing's changed. You are missed greatly Judy.

Happy birthday Judy Pelot!

In the hustle and bustle of the day last year I only made a brief post to Facebook regarding Judy's birthday. I felt bad about that all year long. Seriously, as today approached, I kept thinking what a bad friend I was. How could I have let this slip past me? I kept turning to the fact that I am a visual person and not a writer. Here's what I think that is all about. The fact that back in the day, we didn't have camera phones everywhere documenting our every moment in existence. I was actually pretty proud of myself for having a camera with me when visiting in St. Louis. What I am getting at is that I have a feeling that in the back of my mind I wanted to keep posting new images of Judy on this memorial site but I just didn't have as many as I would have liked. And there is no video of her. That makes me very sad. But there's not much I can do about that.

I imagine there are tons of memories captured by other friends of Judy that could be shared. I just haven't been able to connect with one of her best friends, Laura Gotsch. Laura and I got to see each other in FL when her family was visiting and then later when she visited with her boyfriend and brother. Then we sort of lost track. I moved to Minnesota and I believe also moved. And I don't believe she is on Facebook.

The first time I met Laura was when I was at Judy's parent's house and she announced that we needed to go to the Crestwood Mall to bring Laura a sandwich for lunch. Laura worked at a cookie shop there.  She began making a lunch for her and we went to the mall. Laura's smile when she saw Judy with a lunch was priceless. You know, the kind of look a true friend gives another friend. She was very grateful. What a great friend to make sure Laura had lunch because she knew she didn't get a true lunch break.

Afterwards we went to look at albums in a record shop. I bought a Black Sabbath album. I still have it.

That was so long ago.

In the last decade, whenever I was feeling stressed, I would eventually have a dream where Judy would appear in a dream as if to let me low everything was going to be ok. That has always been so amazing to me. It's happened about 5 or 6 times. It's always been at the most crucial moment when I really needed some reassurance.

That hasn't happened in the last few years. Unfortunately, I am probably the most stressed I have ever been. And while I'm not expecting anything to happen that resembles what I described above, it was just making me appreciate those past experiences where she shared in such a giving way in everything she did. In life and after ...

So it is with humble gratitude that I raise glass and honor Judy and her generosity and overall shining essence.

Happy Birthday Judy. You are always missed and always loved. Rest in Peace.

Happy Birthday Judy. You are missed and never forgotten...

This week, I was remembering the time I briefly saw Judy's mother. It was at her house as I was leaving. Judy had to do something with her mom and so I left without getting to meet her in person. I only saw her in passing. That was strange to me for some reason. Not getting to meet her, just not being able to see who she was as a person. Getting to know her... I don't now. It's a disjointed thought.

It wasn't that much later that Judy's mom had passed away. It seemed like only a matter of months.
I remember the first thing I thought when Judy's father told me Judy had been killed in a car accident. I thought about her mom and how it was that they might now be together after so many years. I still felt sad but also knew that I would go through a great deal of different feelings.

As I have done from time to time, I Google'd Judy's name and came up with nothing. No other mentions about her or friends/relatives posting any information in memorial. I imagine a lot of them are not avid on line social media users like I have become. Still, it would be nice to see some of her friends that I haven't seen for decades. Like one, Laura Gotsch. I hung out with her in Florida when she and her family visited once. Sort of lost track of each other as we sometimes do. I hope she is doing well.

I am meandering in thought right now and really haven't added any value to this memorial today.
I feel the loss of Judy's presence on this earth from time to time and often wonder what she would be like today. I remember her once saying she wouldn't get married until she was 50 years old. That was pretty cool to have such a conviction at such an early age.

Today I dedicate to your uniqueness, your beauty inside and out as a person and the gift you left us all with by letting us get to know you during the short time on this earth.

Warmest wishes on your birthday Judy. You are thought of often and will always hold a special place in our hearts.

A day we will aways remember. Judy's Birthday.

Another year of celebrating the time you shared with us Judy Pelot. 

It still feels the same to me. Each year I look back at the time you were on this earth and I am very grateful to have known you.

As the world keeps changing and becoming more and more complex I could see you adding your perspective and involvement in so many areas. If there is anything more evident to me, its how much you were a people person, a unifier with a compassionate approach. What a loss we all experienced when you left us.

Here's to you Judy Pelot as we celebrate your life and all the beauty you brought to our lives.

Happy Happy Birthday Judy. We will never forget you. 

May you rest in peace.

Happy Birthday Judy -- October 23rd -- You're still missed greatly.

Another year passes where you are being remembered and greatly missed.

I've never met Steve Coleman in person but he shared his thoughts and memories of Judy with me a while back when he found my original memorial page for Judy on line. I thought I'd post a photo now and then from the ones he shared with me. I am glad he reached out and I am sorry I took so long to post this...

It's amazing how many people were affected by knowing Judy. I feel so privileged to have known her and able to share a part of her story here.

There is a light...

Whenever I hear the Smiths song, "There is a light and it never goes out" I immediately think of Judy Pelot. And right now at 2 am as I started writing this, I'm paying homage with my kitchen light being lit as a beacon several stories up in a downtown condo in the city.

I think about Judy when I hear this song not in reference to the thoughts of what appears to be suicidal desires on the part of it's singer / author Morrissey, but more for the closeness he felt for the person he refers to in the song's lyrics. The odd thing is that I remember this correlation while listening to that song when Judy was still alive. I remember sitting in my friend's home when visiting St. Louis, listening to Smiths albums like it was yesterday. There was a feeling of bliss that just keeps getting more and more powerful in memory as the dredges of life and maturity's worry filled nights creep in along with the years. Thinking about the recession, employment stability, mortgage, life costs for an extended family yield to a feeling of a happier time when thoughts were not as crowded. When thoughts were not as quick to make way from the next necessary concentrated effort to stay on top of things. Yet as the energy of that blissful time gains size and strength, it floats away into an abyss that feels like it could be in a space horror film with no music track.

The lyrics of this song say,

"Take me home tonight

Where there's music and there's people
Who are young and alive
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven't got one anymore."

...

"And if a double-decker bus
Crashes in to us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine."

I related so much to the opening statement. There was a time were the people around me were "young and alive" in the sense that there was much less of a urgency to be cautious, deliberate and responsible. But couple that with a like mind, a person just as eager to share in whatever experiences are heading your way and the state of consciousness reaches a level that is borderline hypnotic. I shared that with Judy and another friend from St. Louis. We'll call him Craig. He and I aren't friends anymore and I am just recently starting to regret that. I guess I need to extend an open hand of friendship, again. He even lives in the same city I do. Imagine that. He hates nostalgia though. I am nostalgia incarnate. You've no doubt heard of the show "Hoarders" on TLC, well I consider myself a mental hoarder sometimes. Lots of memories I refuse to let go. Lots of what would seem insignificant story lines, yet to me, they are stitched into my being. It was a formative time in my life and I have anchored a lot of what I am today based of off what happened then.

I've lived in a couple of cities growing up. St. Louis is just etched into my mind as place that had a very special meaning for me. It's where my family actually got together and celebrated life with all the cousins and aunts and uncles... It's the place I'd like to see again some day. if only to visit some of the places I used to know. I know nothing stays the same, everything changes... but it's not wrong for someone to see where they came from.

The point I was trying to reach about the song isn't really manifesting itself in these lines as I would like it to. Clearly there are some thoughts about the car. The car accident, being in the car traveling to some adventure with Judy while visiting her in St. Louis. There is more to it though. Whatever it was, it's far away now because that time, that place, that state of mind is a distant memory. That instant in time is floating out there somewhere with a label that says, "This limited time offer has expired."

I can only see that knowing Judy and spending fleeting moments that seemed like they were the reason why the world was created, can have such a endearing impact on someone else so many years later.

The newly redesigned Chevy Camaro came out this year. I hate that name.... that make of car. I see it in my mind, Judy's Camaro trying to make it's way back to the freeway as it slid off into the grass...

I can 't help but think that there might have been a way that Judy would not have been ejected out of the back of her Camaro. Could the seatbelt have helped her? Did she mean to have it off? Had the hatch not opened, perhaps she wouldn't of ... it's all conjecture and wishful thinking.

From what I was told, she passed in the airlift back to the hospital. a witness saw what had happened and was kind enough to stop and see if they could be of help. Thank you. You cared enough to stop.

As I look at this picture and think about the time period when it was taken. It was the last time we would ever see each other in person. We didn't know that. Neither one of us knew what laid ahead, where we'd be living or if we'd be doing what we wanted to do in life. There's comfort in that. That's the way things are suppose to be.

I am always remembering bits and pieces of the time I did get to spend with her. I know that I am truly blessed to have known her and got to see what a wonderful human being she was... what a great impact she had on so many lives.

The camera she holds has images of us hanging out in St. Louis while I was visiting one year. St. Louis holds such fond memories. I should visit it again in the future. It would be nice to see the places she used to visit. The places that are probably still wondering what ever happened to her.